NFT Investor Reminds Skeptics Everything Else In World Stupid And Meaningless Too - The Onion

AUSTIN, TX—Defending the technology against common criticisms, NFT investor Matt McNally reportedly reminded skeptics Tuesday that everything else in the world is stupid and meaningless too. “Sure, you can say that spending money to buy a certificate saying you own an easily copied picture is
ridiculous and trivial, but that’s where I’d remind you that you can say about 99% of everything else,” said McNally, adding that the backlash directed at the utter pointless and waste of non-fungible tokens could just as easily be directed at stock trading, the real estate market, fiat currency, performance art, political parties, orchestras, online forums, picnics, cardboard, analytic philosophy, street lights, rocks, Saskatchewan, extension cords, the work of Rabelais, geometry, packing peanuts, commodities exchange, the ACLU, environmental conservation, angel investing, DraftKings, electric cooperatives, deodorant, legal theory, Christianity, hamsters, the nuclear family, World War I, repackaged loans, ice cubes, Europe, Thursdays, architecture, photovoltaic system performance, Tesla, green space, the University of Southern California, poker, hospitals, The Lord Of The Rings, gold, the Egyptian pyramids, Wendy’s, the central nervous system, veterinary pathology, gum, B2B marketing, ivory, glossolalia, weddings, prog rock, godparents, library science, poetry, and the sum total of recorded human history. “NFTs might be bizarre speculative bullshit, but what isn’t? Aren’t we all just finding ways to turn everything that exists into something we can make money off of? I might be throwing away thousands of dollars on NFTs, but you’re throwing away thousands of dollars on TSA PreCheck or lottery tickets or donating to political candidates or raising children. Critics will say NFTs are wasteful and can be used for fraud and other crimes—fine, yeah, find me something that isn’t?” At press time, McNally defended losing over $50,000 on devalued NFTs by noting that everyone loses everything in the end.


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